Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Incidentally, in a fatigued delirium, I may have told some of you that it was a good movie. This is true in the sense that leprous rats are a tasty and nutritious afternoon snack. That is, unless you have a special fantasy about vapid dialogue and irresolvable combat scenes (or an exploited Megan Fox, I suppose), it would be better to go research medieval intergalactic communication techniques or something.
Anywho, for the last week, swallowing has been more painful than reading anything written by William Kristol (owie!). On Monday, I succumbed for the first time in my Yale career to the pains of illness and dragged myself to DUH. I walked out with a negative strep test, a pricked arm, a bottle of penicillin, and a pamphlet about mono. OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE! Using that excuse, I spent the rest of the day at home, perfecting my abilities to blend in with the perpetrators of the inevitable zombie apocalypse (muuugghhhh). This morning, though, I received word that my blood test was normal, and I'm probably suffering from, "an unspecified virus thing" and that the penicillin should provide, "some relief." So, that's why I'm taking antibiotics for a viral infection.
I'm feeling much better, and before the SummerBuds field trip to the New Haven library, I should be ready to BRING THE RAIN!
It's not bad timing, though, because we've recently discovered some unintentional guests: fruit flies. Tons of them. We're kind of hoping that we can starve them out by throwing everything vaguely edible out before leaving the place high and dry for 3 or 4 days.
Anyway, expect nothing more from me until sometime next week. Yeah!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Can you guess what it is? Here are some hints: it's about 2.5 meters tall, subsists mainly on hoarfrost lichen and various fungi, is endemic to the planet Hoth, and sounds kind of like AAAARUUUUUOROUURRGHAAAAAA!!!
That's right! It's MOTHERFUCKIN' TAUNTAUN GUTS!
Compare them. Closely. That's right -- they're identical.
Other fun Tauntaun facts: their thick layers of fat and fur allow them to survive plummeting night temperatures on Hoth and Coruscant's polar ice caps (where they have been exported by the Rebels for use as beasts of burden and -- fuck yes -- tourist attractions). God I wish I lived in Star Wars. Oh wait, I do! We have a Tauntaun in the motherfucking BHouse! WOOT!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
We did the upstairs (Yeah we did). And, once again, the BHouse produced a wonderous assortments of terrors.
Wigs. What the hell, team. Wigs.
A nook of horror. We think that furry thing is dead.
Yes, that is a phallus. And a gun behind that. And a phallus in front of that. And a gun behind that. What?
You may not believe it, but that is Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys, together.
Oh, such wonders, oh such horrors.
But we also received visitors from Cold Spring Harbor, Julia and her friend Natalie!
Julia proceeded to make a series of faces at me.
She told us a story about she met Jim Watson...
... and how he touched her on the waist, creepily.
Her friend Natalie is her roommate, and will be a senior at Carnegie Mellon...
...and has adequately learned how to continue the tradition of her roommates...
... and terrorize her silly.
We had Mexican night. And then watched South Park. The next day, before they left, they brought us 50CENT DONUTS!!!!1!!!!!!
(So, the stories don't really go along with the pictures, but we do what we can do).
Friday, June 26, 2009
Maybe if I were from New England I wouldn't
think twice about this picture, but I just really find this picturesque.
I'm going to go ahead and assume this is East Rock. Regardless, it's pretty.
New Haven has something no other city has: JJJ!!!
This is a pretty street, right off of Wooster Square. Yay New Haven.
It makes me think of the Decemberists song, "Los Angeles, I'm Yours." Only instead of Los Angeles, it's New Haven.
I am starting to really like this town.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Pooks is in pretty bad shape. His right front paw is completely lame, and he keeps it tucked up to his chest. This explains why he hasn't really moved from under the awning on the side of our house -- he isn't very mobile. He's pretty much been sleeping the days away, which sucks, because it rains a lot and is hot a lot.
I found a crappy white tupperware thing without a lid that we weren't using and filled it with water which I set out right in front of him. He wouldn't go near it while I was looking at him, so I left, but I peeked right before going in the house and he was drinking.
New Haven animal control is taking their sweet time. I called them at like noon today, and the dispatcher said they were out on another call.
**EDIT: Second cat update
Called Animal Control again today, and they finally dispatched an officer. He took forever to get here, so I befriended Leo, the nice old landlord of the house next door, who's been feeding the strays, including Pookie. When the officer got here, he gave up trying to catch Pooks almost immediately, and instead left a crate with Leo and me. Leo's going to try to lure him into the crate with food and then I'm going to call Animal Control and they can take him to the shelter.
This process is taking absolutely forever, and this is just one injured cat. There's four-five other strays, including two kittens, that are going to be way harder to catch.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Aditya likes milk. We have already spoken of this. But Aditya also likes Oreos. A lot. This is one night's work for Aditya. Man's going to kill himself.
Also, Aditya has this fear of the BHouse. He doesn't think we should anger the spirits that live in it. Like the ones behind this previously unopened door.
Aditya begged us not to, citing the angry spirits that would murder us in our sleep. But Katie is an Egyptologist, and I a man of science. So we pried that door open. We found a rotary saw. And a vacuum. And some screwdrivers. If one of us is found dead with a screwdriver in our backs, we'll know we have angered the spirits. Until then, I'm going to keep exploring... there's a stash of crap under the stairs that is begging to be rummaged through.
I would say it isn't what it looks like, but...
So then more of BHouse appeared, and things degenerated even further. Paul, Joe's suitemate who will take Aditya's room when he leaves but has made himself a nest in the upper "Den of Sin" common room in the meantime, arrived.
We were unsure about Paul. He was Joe's friend, so that was a good sign. But we were worried we would destroy him, break him, make him question everything he held dear. We weren't sure if he could handle the B in BHouse. So we baptized him by fire, with a simple test. We saw how he handled this:
One from each class. Porn Horse is in the foreground out of the picture.
He seemed unfazed. We told him to take a picture of us. He picked up the camera, aimed it, then paused... and bolted from the room. I thought he couldn't take it anymore, and had just fled. But then he came back:
He had a head lamp too! Yay Paul! He's one of us!
I'm going to legally adopt the cats that live under BHouse. I'm still working on a game plan. One of them has kittens.
Inspired by this list of situations in which shouting the phrase “bring the rain” is even less appropriate than it is in the new Transformer's movie, I’ve decided to create my own list.
While attempting to repair outdoor wiring.
While standing in a large open-air turkey pen.
While working with unstable sodium or perchlorate compounds in said large open-air turkey pen.
During the performance of a Native American tribal rain dance.
At an all-female pre-Labor Day white clothing parade.
Upon entering a rabies treatment clinic.
To break the tension at the starting line of the premier elderly mobility scooter racing competition at the National Buggy Championships in Holland.
Upon discovering levy inadequacies shortly before landfall of Hurricane Katrina.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Anyway, there is a point to this story. And that point is: Bobby Gibbs is a wonderful, wonderful man. I don't think anyone will dispute this. And for the next three days, I get to be him.
So this is what happened. I'm standing to shoot another scene, and Gerry comes up and asks if he can try playing my trombone. I say sure, of course, and I end up teaching how to play the trombone. A lot of pictures were taken (though I can't release them since, as mentioned before, I signed away my rights to say anything about the movie).
People all said I "made out" with Gerry Butler. He also said he's going to take my spot in the band. He can take my spot any day.
IT WAS AWESOME
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
And since my coach isn't around to beat me, instead of feeling like a fat mess, I feel incredibly accomplished.
Trombones reading this, quake in fear. I am going to single-handedly destroy you in JoL/JoD. You will cower for shade from the blinding light of my awesome as I lay waste to an entire gallon of milk before your eyes. And you shall beg for mercy.
And you shall have none.
I managed to solve this mildly perplexing question by watching Aditya do dishes. He was liberally pouring moure than enough soap into each plate/cup/etc to wash a sinkful of dishes. So I suggested to him that he might be able to conserve a little if he used a sponge. So he tried it, and said "Wow! The technology! This is amazing."
I'm considering holding formal lessons for the boys in things like ironing, washing things, cooking, and paying bills.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Scene 1 (BHouse, 10:58am).
Aditya drinks two raw eggs, mumbling something about robots. Katie washes dishes, as she should. Oh wait, AJ is here! Katie whips AJ with barbed wire. Jae stares dreamily at his driver’s license photo. Ben stares at the broken router, checking his e-mail with his mind.
Alan: “Something is rotten in BHouse! Ah, that’s because Joe hasn’t gotten out of the shower and we were supposed to leave two minutes ago.”
Joe (from the shower): “Slanders! Perhaps my massive awesomeness is causing gravitational time dilation, but it’s clearly 10:58am. I will be ready at 11!”
David Katzman: “Joe, you seemed to be so down for Up...”
Universal groans. Joe exits the shower at 11:03am
Scene 2 (290 State Street, 11:07am)
David: “Here’s your garage, Joe. We’ll save some seats for you at the movie, because we’ll arrive on time.” David smiles characteristically, winks, and drives off.
Joe (oblivious): “Thanks!”
Joe walks towards the garage, notices the unexpectedly locked gate, lets off a minute long tirade of expletives.
Homeless man: “Why don’t you just jog around the block and find a nice family to let you in the back door?”
Joe: “Great idea, Mr. Disadvantaged! Sometimes going in the back door is a great idea!”
Joe sprints around the block, ambushes a family.
Joe: “Citizen! Do you have access to the parking garage?”
Frazzled mother: “Access? Yeah, we be goin’ to the parking garage…”
Joe picks up the car and zooms off, running over the homeless man as he exits the garage.
Scene 3 (BHouse, 11:17am)
Joe squeals into BHouse parking, his flashy 4-way flashers flashing. Alan’s in the front, Katie, AJ, and Aditya are in the back.
Joe: “Seatbelt up.”
The Awesomemobile peels off, heading down Elm. Closer to I-91, a cyclist flips off a cop. Gunshots.
Awesomemobile is speechless. Dead cat does not approve. Joe careens madly onto the highway.
Joe (going >80, out of control): “Hey, let’s play the guess how fast I’m going game…”
AJ: “Joe! ARE YOU ON CRACK? That car is actually going the speed limit!”
Joe freaks out, eventually calming down.
Joe: “Don’t worry, it’s not road rage until I pull out the 9mm in the glove compartment.”
Screaming in the back seat. Grins in the front. Alan checks the glove compartment, slamming it shut quickly. One grin remains.
Alan: “Look, a shopping center, we must be getting close.”
Joe: “OOH! Capitalism!”
Scene 4 (Movie Theater, 11:18am)
Joe: “Hey! We’re on time!”
Katie, AJ, and Alan run screaming out of the car. Aditya’s escape capsule lands in the lawn. Joe screams something obscene, provoking weird looks from a nearby family. Joe parks and jogs into the theater. The movie begins as our heroes take their seats.
Doug (the dog): “So, a squirrel walks up to a tree. He says, ‘I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead.’ It is a funny joke because the squirrel gets dead.”
Laughter heals all wounds.
Edit: Yes yes, this all happened in the morning (Thanks, Thanh!).
A place of wonders. A place of terrors. A place where there are doors everywhere that lead no where... where the steps are not for the weak of knee. Where the locals climb to the top of telephone poles to disconnect our internet...
But it's really not that bad. That centipede didn't know what it was getting itself into. Neither did Joe when he put a clove of garlic on each piece of garlic bread. That motorcycle gang did know what they were getting themselves into. All up into our ears all night long. Shiiiiiiiiiit.
Aditya, I suspect, thought he knew what he was getting himself into: I will leave you to be the judge of that.What is this? In Aditya's defense, David seemed to think it was what Aditya thought it was.
Despite perhaps the lackluster delivery of Aditya's culinary genius, he does work hard for the money.
Ok. So the movie's sideways. What of it, I ask? I haven't been the same since I found that totem. That little figurine of a monkey. It was under the desk in my room. It was shiny. I picked it up. Examined it closely. I felt its power over me. Possessed, I opened its mouth.
AND IT BELCHED FIRE AT ME!!!!! The previous occupants of this house were insane!!1!
I don't have much time left. Even now I hear the monkey calling to me...
Yes Joe, I'm coming to bed.
1) Watched Up, The Boondock Saints, and There Will Be Blood
2) Mocked Alan's meager cooking abilities
3) Undertook a two-day survey of nearby cafes looking for the best work environment
4) Bought Oatmeal Cream Pies from Shaw's
5) Watched Golden Eye while making excessive sexual innuendo, on top of the already-excessive innuendo in the movie
6) Ate Oatmeal Cream Pies from Shaw's
7) Blew up a bunch of balloons
9) Popped a bunch of balloons
10) Blew up some more balloons
11) Watched Golden Eye again
12) Stuck balloons in the ceiling
Friday, June 12, 2009
I didn't need to take any tests, except for the vision exam, and the lady was nice enough to let me take a second picture. Well, the first time, I wasn't ready, so I made one of those awkward should-I-smile-or-not face, so she kinda guffawed (not really, more like hah, but I just wanted to use that word) and said
"Okay, let's do that again."
So, the second picture was a success (at least for a driver's license picture). No joke.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
It turns out, they mean it "bring your own bag," as part of a pro-environment campaign (I think...)
This probably should be the BHouse motto. We go to Shaw's and Costco often enough that we should BYOB.
**EDIT: In the last sentence, would it technically be "we should BOOB," since we would be bringing OUR own bag?
a) I am a brilliant chef. The word "chef" grovels tremulously at the very thought of being used to describe my prowess. Genius, however, is rarely recognized in its own time. Only a true philistine would make the claim that the steaming slices of deliciousness I created were "unidentifiable."
b) Spitters are quitters, it wasn't that gross, and I am still owed my dollar.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Now we have a clean and not-terrifying curtain. On the other hand, the Drano I bought to clear the sink in our downstairs bathroom is currently totally getting its ass kicked. We cannot wash our hands, but we can shower! Oh, can we ever shower.
EDIT: The Drano totally came through, our sink is no longer clogged. And the strawberry bread I baked turned out delicious. Three-win weekend. Sweet.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
"Idea: rebel doctor leaves the hospital where he works and where they have, you know, sanitized equipment and other assorted nonsense, and instead runs around butchering people with questionable legality. We'll call him 'the Robin Hood of medicine.' How awesome is that?"
". . ."
"I know, right? So awesome. You know, we should totally get the team from 'Melrose Place' back together to write this. I'll buy the pizza, you can play guitar -- it'll be just like old times. We'll write earth-shattering dialogue. One of the female love interests can refer to him as 'Doctor Dangerous.' This is gonna rock. You know what, I'm gonna call Brad. Brad would totally love this. This is Brad's thing."
I'm 90% sure the title for this show comes from the way it makes people feel inside their brains. I swear to god I was more cognitively engaged when we played "Star Trek: TNG, the drinking game" (drink for "make it so," any mention of warp >4, etc.). In case you're wondering, the title for this blog post refers to one of many times last night when, while watching House, Erin (who spent the night) dazzled us by perfectly predicting some highly-dramatic plot twist.
Anyways, this morning "Royal Pains" was on again. Not having had my morning coffee I was surprisingly in a pretty good state to tolerate the show. That is, at least until 'the MacGyver of medicine' (yes, that's what they call him, and yes, it's alliteration and a reference to a cheesey '80s Canadian action series at the same time) stumbled across his first victim -- an unresponsive hemophiliac with intrathoracic bleeding. In case you guys ever encounter an unresponsive hemophiliac with intrathoracic bleeding, I'm not positive what you should do, but here's what you shouldn't do: dip a knife in vodka, cut open this poor child's pericardium (the sac-thing around your heart and great vessels), then yell something about clotting at the his screaming significant-other, before duct-taping a ziploc bag over the opening.
WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO?
I'm working in the catalog department of SML this summer-- it involves a lot of scanning of books and searching of databases. Yesterday, I learned a lot about Malagasy, the language of Madagascar, and about the island itself. The gentleman who works behind me catalogs African language books, and I think he was very happy to have someone interested in what he does.
Anyway here are some of the books I've photographed recently. Expect more over the course of the summer.
Friday, June 5, 2009
The Marijuana Diaries
Purchased an eighth from Felix for $40. Let's see how long this lasts!
Bowl #1 (5:00 p.m.), circumstances: snagged Valerie on CC -- smoked & dashed
Bowl #2 (5:15 p.m.), circumstances, Valerie left: smoking a personal bowl, just for shits.
Lovestoned (I think she knew) -- J. Timberlake, might be the most perfect song to get stoned to. I enjoy it immensely.
Thank God it's still sunny outside. I will wear sunglasses as long as possible -- until the sun sulks beneath the ridge of East Rock.
Bowl #3 (6:00 p.m.), Kevin stopped by. Always a reason!
#4 (9:00 p.m.), Btw Gossip Girl & ANTM w/ Audrey & Maggie
#5 (10:00 p.m.), w/ Joe B. & Marilee
#6 (12:00 a.m.), w/ Alex G, rolled a beautiful jay.
#7 (2:04 a.m.), w/ Alex G, bowl
#8-10 (5:00 p.m.), Valerie
#11-12 (7:00 p.m.), Rachel
#13 (9:00 p.m.), Rachel & Alex
#14-15 (11:00 p.m.): Josh & Stacy
#16 (12:55 a.m.): Alex
#17 (1:15 a.m.): Katharine
[some random stuff scribbled over)
Hi. Thank you for spelling my name correctly. I love you and we should hang out. LOVE, Katharine -- so sick
Additionally, our fridge is rather full, so we've had to start moving some food (and my personal milk) over to Katzman's epic "fridge." I don't even want to think how many imperial credits it must have cost David to buy the giant vat Jabba used to freeze Han, but I do know it a) preserves the living shit out of sausages and b) turns milk kind of slushy.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
One time, BHouse punched me in the face.
It was awesome.
(we watched Mean Girls last night).
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Is it a) the dead flowers stuck in the ceiling?
Or perhaps it's b) the pink bunny pez dispenser.
Maybe c) the little green pills all over my floor?
Gee, Charlie Brown, not only did you get d) a shitty tree for Christmas, you also decorated it with little girls' socks.
Maybe we can throw it away in the e) fucking hole in the floor.
Of course, let's not forget the frightening menagerie of disturbing animalia, including f) what I'm pretty sure is a dead cat that's been poorly stuffed and still has its original eyes:
And his good buddy, SARS dog:
Yes, that is a surgical facemask. On a stuffed dog. I'm really glad nobody was there to see me jump when I picked him up. "Awww, a stuffed do-OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TUBERCULOSIS."
Lock your answers in now, viewers. You have thirty seconds. *Cue theme music*
Oh wait -- YOU ALL WIN BECAUSE YOU NEVER HAVE TO ENCOUNTER THAT HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE CAT.