Saturday, June 6, 2009

Watch -- she's gonna seize.

Is anyone watching this new steaming pile of a medical show, "Royal Pains"? I have no idea what went on during the pitch meeting for this show.

"Idea: rebel doctor leaves the hospital where he works and where they have, you know, sanitized equipment and other assorted nonsense, and instead runs around butchering people with questionable legality. We'll call him 'the Robin Hood of medicine.' How awesome is that?"

". . ."

"I know, right? So awesome. You know, we should totally get the team from 'Melrose Place' back together to write this. I'll buy the pizza, you can play guitar -- it'll be just like old times. We'll write earth-shattering dialogue. One of the female love interests can refer to him as 'Doctor Dangerous.' This is gonna rock. You know what, I'm gonna call Brad. Brad would totally love this. This is Brad's thing."

I'm 90% sure the title for this show comes from the way it makes people feel inside their brains. I swear to god I was more cognitively engaged when we played "Star Trek: TNG, the drinking game" (drink for "make it so," any mention of warp >4, etc.). In case you're wondering, the title for this blog post refers to one of many times last night when, while watching House, Erin (who spent the night) dazzled us by perfectly predicting some highly-dramatic plot twist.

Anyways, this morning "Royal Pains" was on again. Not having had my morning coffee I was surprisingly in a pretty good state to tolerate the show. That is, at least until 'the MacGyver of medicine' (yes, that's what they call him, and yes, it's alliteration and a reference to a cheesey '80s Canadian action series at the same time) stumbled across his first victim -- an unresponsive hemophiliac with intrathoracic bleeding. In case you guys ever encounter an unresponsive hemophiliac with intrathoracic bleeding, I'm not positive what you should do, but here's what you shouldn't do: dip a knife in vodka, cut open this poor child's pericardium (the sac-thing around your heart and great vessels), then yell something about clotting at the his screaming significant-other, before duct-taping a ziploc bag over the opening.


The doctor will see you now.

Also, because I know she's going to post it to the comments, no, Jackie, sternum rubs were not featured.

1 comment:

  1. HA

    I definitely saw an ad for that show. It sounds promising, except for the fact that MacGyver is FUCKING AWESOME, and shouldn't be profaned like that.